Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
