I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize