Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
