Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
