I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
