Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
