took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
