she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
