as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
