dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
