in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am one with the molecules
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
