And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
