If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize