dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
