My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
