can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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