I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize