herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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