are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
