At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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