On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
