Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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