Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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