Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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