i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
