my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
