porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
