not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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