Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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