i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
