is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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