Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
