You just made me feel so damn special
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
