y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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