he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
