just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
