Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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