today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
