all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
