You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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