You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
