I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
