would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
