come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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