Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize