i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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