So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are two peas in an std pod
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
