Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
