Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
