I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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