So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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