Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
