I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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