he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
