no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
