I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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