I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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