I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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