I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
