Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
