All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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