i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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