i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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