You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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