So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
