I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
