After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
