Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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