I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
