Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
