That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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