he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
