My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
