just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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