youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
