How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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