What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
