How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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