In America we eat man semen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
