mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
