I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
