i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
