sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
