he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
